Wednesday, January 18th
4:01 am - Eyes open. Look at the clock. 4:01. Look down. Still pregnant. 3 days "overdue." Another silly Braxton Hicks contraction. I might as well get up and go pee.
4:03 am - Leaning over the bathroom sink, letting my big baby belly hang forward, rocking back and forth, trying to get the baby off my back as much as possible... Another "Braxton Hicks" contraction as I think to myself, Brian probably needs to leave for work soon. I might as well wait up so I can say goodbye. I had been having regular, manageable contractions for weeks, so really was thinking nothing of them at this point.
4:05 am - Another one... Hmm, this is interesting, but still, probably nothing. I nudge Brian and let him know that I am having some steady BH contractions and ask if he wants to go walking around the house with me (lol, yes, at 4:00am. I was just that desperate) to get things going. This is like the 15th time in the past month that this has happened and it always turns into nothing. My sleepy husband doesn't take me very seriously, rolls over and reminds me that he has to leave at 5:00am for work, so is going to try and get some more rest. Lol! Contractions continue for the next ten minutes or so, getting more intense and staying 2 minutes apart. I just walked around our room, breathing and listening to my body to see what it was trying to tell me. I still wasn't sure if this was actually it.
4:15am - I text my midwife.
Me: "Hey Kathy, I am having some steady contractions."
Kathy: "Okay, do you want me to come to the house now?"
Me: "Oh, no, no. I only woke up like 15 minutes ago. They are about 2 minutes apart though, so I wanted to give you the heads up. I don't want you waiting around here all day. This may not even be anything."
Kathy: "Okay, just let me know when/if you want me to come."
Me: "Okay."
Brian is out of bed with me at this point, but he is still pretty sure that I'm not actually in labor. I think because I was so calm and chill, he thought "there's no way this is it."
4:25am - Text to Kathy
Me: "Okay, come now."
At this point, I could tell that this was it. Brian still felt a little unsure as he would ask me, "So is the baby coming now? Like you really think is it?" and I would calmly answer, "Yes." I guess he expected me to be screaming like a maniac, but I just felt so comfortable and sure of myself and was trusting my body and putting all of my intention into that.
My contractions were getting more intense with every one and they were only about 1-2 minutes apart. Very steady. I could feel more pressure and decided to go wake my Mom who was staying with us at the time to help. Briar was awake, sitting on the bed, listening and watching with every contraction. Brian was up with me, and I was asking him (okay telling him) to push and put pressure on my lower back. As soon as I walked into my mom's room, she popped right up. She said, "Okay, let's do it!" and jumped out of bed. She had been staying with us for over a week already and we were all anxious to meet this baby!
4:50am - Briar was still sitting on the bed, watching every contraction. They are feeling very intense, but I am so thankful for the brief break between. During the really hard moments, I kept picturing meeting our baby for the first time. Our amazing midwifery team gets to our house and once they hear me breath (grunt) through a contraction, they gave me a look of, "oh, this baby is coming soon." I thought - no way, I just hardly woke up - and I ask Kathy to check me for dilation. Part of me wonders if I should just trust my body and not get checked for dilation, but the other part of me needs some reassurance that something is going on. I am feeling a lot of intensity with each contraction, but also need to be realistic with myself that I was literally asleep an hour prior. My contractions were intense with not much of a break in between and I was starting to think to myself, "I don't know if I can do this for another eight hours."
First dilation check - 9cm. Wow. Okay, I was immediately so glad that I knew that. I thought to myself, "Okay, I can totally do this! I'm almost there."
At this point, my contractions felt like a 9 or 10, but I was still soooo thankful for that (now very brief) break in between. I would close my eyes and completely relax my entire body.
"Breath. Just breath."
After Brian heard Kathy say I was at 9cm, he jumped up to fill our bathtub. I was so looking forward to getting in there. I knew the warm water would provide some relief. I remember saying out loud after the next contraction, "I need to get into the water. This hurts so bad."
5:10am - Contractions are intense. I get into the tub and oh my, it feels soooooo good. The really warm water felt incredible to me in that moment. I remember saying with my eyes closed, "This feels so good." Within moments, I felt another contraction coming on. I was on my knees, leaning over the edge of the tub. I reached out my hand and my sweet Briar was there. She held onto my hand as I tried to breath through it.
5:15am - My sister arrived. My mom ran downstairs to greet her and gave her the "you better get upstairs, this baby is coming" look and they both came up. In between contractions, I half looked up during a 30 second contraction break and said something like, "Oh, hi there. I think I'm having a baby soon. Welcome." Then another contraction started up again. It was around this time that I also heard Willow wake up. My mom scooped her up and started reading her a book in the bedroom.
5:20 am - I had about 2 contractions in the water and decided I wanted to try and push. I changed positions to lay back against the side of the tub and with my next contraction, I started to push. In that moment, a rush came over my body and I could tell I was in transition. I remembered that incredibly intense feeling. The one that makes you start to doubt yourself.
An intensity that made me say out loud: "I don't think I can do this."
Brian reached down and held my hand and I remember hearing one of my midwives say,
"Yes you can. You're already doing it."
In those moments of pushing, I really felt like it was just one long, 10 minute contraction. There were no breaks. No relaxing breaths. No relief. Yet, it felt so good to push. It was like I could feel that it was really what I was supposed to be doing to help birth my baby. In those last moments, I remembered something that my cousin, Janelle, had told me during a conversation a couple days prior. When talking about her home birth, she told me that when things got really hard, she would just say to herself, "You are strong. You can do this." So that's what I did. I just kept telling myself that over and over again. My eyes were closed and I had no idea who was in the bathroom at the time. (Basically everyone, lol!)
After pushing twice, I reached down and I could feel her. Omg. That was such relief. I could tell she was so close. I remember smiling and laughing in that moment that I first felt my baby. My sister ran out of the bathroom and into the room where my mom was with an "Um, you better come now." I pushed again and felt something else.
"What's that?" I asked.
"That's your bag of water." said one of the midwives.
"OMG! She's being born en caul!!" I thought to myself. I felt a wave of excitement rush over me.
I pushed again (my third push) and I felt her entire head come out. (This was when my mom and Willow came back in). I took a breath and with one more push, she came right out into Brian's hands. He grabbed under her little arms to lift her up onto me. I started peeling the caul off of her to take a look at her. She was amazing and beautiful and so perfect in every way. Covered in thick, white vernix, and chubby as can be. She was on my chest and my eyes were closed. It felt so incredible to just lay there and take a breath. Our baby was finally here! I looked up and saw Briar was sitting with her toes dangling in the water and Willow was in my Mom's arms. I was so, so happy that they were both apart of their sister's birth. We had watched so many birth videos preparing them and they had both told me that they wanted to be there. I stayed in the tub for a bit, just staring at this calm little baby who was breathing perfectly, not crying, just snuggling up in the water with me.
As I held onto our sweet new baby, Brian and Kathy helped me up and out of the bath and over to the bed.
"That seemed quick. What time is it?" I asked.
"5:30," replied Kathy
Ha! I was literally asleep until 4:00am. Wow. What a crazy, fast, intense ride. My body and baby were so ready.
The girls and Brian climbed into bed with the baby and me, where we decided that this was going to be our sweet little Aspen. We knew we wanted a nature name to add to our collection of little woodland children, but once we saw her, we knew she was our Aspen. We gave her the middle name of Yvonne, after my grandma. She immediately started nursing and we all cuddled up as Briar and Willow felt her hands and looked at her little toes and face. Willow kept smiling and laughing and yelling, "Baby Willow!" I tried to take deep breaths and slow my body down as everything had just happened so quickly. The midwives brought me water, checked me out, and then checked on Aspen, who weighted in at 7lbs, 14oz.
We spent the next few hours in bed as a family. I grabbed a shower as my amazing mama brought us up coffee and breakfast, and after a full night's sleep, we watched the sun rise on us as a family of five. I still couldn't believe it. I kept looking down at Aspen, smiling and laughing. It all felt like a quick little dream.
4:01 am - Eyes open. Look at the clock. 4:01. Look down. Still pregnant. 3 days "overdue." Another silly Braxton Hicks contraction. I might as well get up and go pee.
4:03 am - Leaning over the bathroom sink, letting my big baby belly hang forward, rocking back and forth, trying to get the baby off my back as much as possible... Another "Braxton Hicks" contraction as I think to myself, Brian probably needs to leave for work soon. I might as well wait up so I can say goodbye. I had been having regular, manageable contractions for weeks, so really was thinking nothing of them at this point.
4:05 am - Another one... Hmm, this is interesting, but still, probably nothing. I nudge Brian and let him know that I am having some steady BH contractions and ask if he wants to go walking around the house with me (lol, yes, at 4:00am. I was just that desperate) to get things going. This is like the 15th time in the past month that this has happened and it always turns into nothing. My sleepy husband doesn't take me very seriously, rolls over and reminds me that he has to leave at 5:00am for work, so is going to try and get some more rest. Lol! Contractions continue for the next ten minutes or so, getting more intense and staying 2 minutes apart. I just walked around our room, breathing and listening to my body to see what it was trying to tell me. I still wasn't sure if this was actually it.
4:15am - I text my midwife.
Me: "Hey Kathy, I am having some steady contractions."
Kathy: "Okay, do you want me to come to the house now?"
Me: "Oh, no, no. I only woke up like 15 minutes ago. They are about 2 minutes apart though, so I wanted to give you the heads up. I don't want you waiting around here all day. This may not even be anything."
Kathy: "Okay, just let me know when/if you want me to come."
Me: "Okay."
Brian is out of bed with me at this point, but he is still pretty sure that I'm not actually in labor. I think because I was so calm and chill, he thought "there's no way this is it."
4:25am - Text to Kathy
Me: "Okay, come now."
At this point, I could tell that this was it. Brian still felt a little unsure as he would ask me, "So is the baby coming now? Like you really think is it?" and I would calmly answer, "Yes." I guess he expected me to be screaming like a maniac, but I just felt so comfortable and sure of myself and was trusting my body and putting all of my intention into that.
My contractions were getting more intense with every one and they were only about 1-2 minutes apart. Very steady. I could feel more pressure and decided to go wake my Mom who was staying with us at the time to help. Briar was awake, sitting on the bed, listening and watching with every contraction. Brian was up with me, and I was asking him (okay telling him) to push and put pressure on my lower back. As soon as I walked into my mom's room, she popped right up. She said, "Okay, let's do it!" and jumped out of bed. She had been staying with us for over a week already and we were all anxious to meet this baby!
4:50am - Briar was still sitting on the bed, watching every contraction. They are feeling very intense, but I am so thankful for the brief break between. During the really hard moments, I kept picturing meeting our baby for the first time. Our amazing midwifery team gets to our house and once they hear me breath (grunt) through a contraction, they gave me a look of, "oh, this baby is coming soon." I thought - no way, I just hardly woke up - and I ask Kathy to check me for dilation. Part of me wonders if I should just trust my body and not get checked for dilation, but the other part of me needs some reassurance that something is going on. I am feeling a lot of intensity with each contraction, but also need to be realistic with myself that I was literally asleep an hour prior. My contractions were intense with not much of a break in between and I was starting to think to myself, "I don't know if I can do this for another eight hours."
First dilation check - 9cm. Wow. Okay, I was immediately so glad that I knew that. I thought to myself, "Okay, I can totally do this! I'm almost there."
At this point, my contractions felt like a 9 or 10, but I was still soooo thankful for that (now very brief) break in between. I would close my eyes and completely relax my entire body.
"Breath. Just breath."
After Brian heard Kathy say I was at 9cm, he jumped up to fill our bathtub. I was so looking forward to getting in there. I knew the warm water would provide some relief. I remember saying out loud after the next contraction, "I need to get into the water. This hurts so bad."
5:10am - Contractions are intense. I get into the tub and oh my, it feels soooooo good. The really warm water felt incredible to me in that moment. I remember saying with my eyes closed, "This feels so good." Within moments, I felt another contraction coming on. I was on my knees, leaning over the edge of the tub. I reached out my hand and my sweet Briar was there. She held onto my hand as I tried to breath through it.
5:15am - My sister arrived. My mom ran downstairs to greet her and gave her the "you better get upstairs, this baby is coming" look and they both came up. In between contractions, I half looked up during a 30 second contraction break and said something like, "Oh, hi there. I think I'm having a baby soon. Welcome." Then another contraction started up again. It was around this time that I also heard Willow wake up. My mom scooped her up and started reading her a book in the bedroom.
5:20 am - I had about 2 contractions in the water and decided I wanted to try and push. I changed positions to lay back against the side of the tub and with my next contraction, I started to push. In that moment, a rush came over my body and I could tell I was in transition. I remembered that incredibly intense feeling. The one that makes you start to doubt yourself.
An intensity that made me say out loud: "I don't think I can do this."
Brian reached down and held my hand and I remember hearing one of my midwives say,
"Yes you can. You're already doing it."
In those moments of pushing, I really felt like it was just one long, 10 minute contraction. There were no breaks. No relaxing breaths. No relief. Yet, it felt so good to push. It was like I could feel that it was really what I was supposed to be doing to help birth my baby. In those last moments, I remembered something that my cousin, Janelle, had told me during a conversation a couple days prior. When talking about her home birth, she told me that when things got really hard, she would just say to herself, "You are strong. You can do this." So that's what I did. I just kept telling myself that over and over again. My eyes were closed and I had no idea who was in the bathroom at the time. (Basically everyone, lol!)
After pushing twice, I reached down and I could feel her. Omg. That was such relief. I could tell she was so close. I remember smiling and laughing in that moment that I first felt my baby. My sister ran out of the bathroom and into the room where my mom was with an "Um, you better come now." I pushed again and felt something else.
"What's that?" I asked.
"That's your bag of water." said one of the midwives.
"OMG! She's being born en caul!!" I thought to myself. I felt a wave of excitement rush over me.
I pushed again (my third push) and I felt her entire head come out. (This was when my mom and Willow came back in). I took a breath and with one more push, she came right out into Brian's hands. He grabbed under her little arms to lift her up onto me. I started peeling the caul off of her to take a look at her. She was amazing and beautiful and so perfect in every way. Covered in thick, white vernix, and chubby as can be. She was on my chest and my eyes were closed. It felt so incredible to just lay there and take a breath. Our baby was finally here! I looked up and saw Briar was sitting with her toes dangling in the water and Willow was in my Mom's arms. I was so, so happy that they were both apart of their sister's birth. We had watched so many birth videos preparing them and they had both told me that they wanted to be there. I stayed in the tub for a bit, just staring at this calm little baby who was breathing perfectly, not crying, just snuggling up in the water with me.
As I held onto our sweet new baby, Brian and Kathy helped me up and out of the bath and over to the bed.
"That seemed quick. What time is it?" I asked.
"5:30," replied Kathy
Ha! I was literally asleep until 4:00am. Wow. What a crazy, fast, intense ride. My body and baby were so ready.
The girls and Brian climbed into bed with the baby and me, where we decided that this was going to be our sweet little Aspen. We knew we wanted a nature name to add to our collection of little woodland children, but once we saw her, we knew she was our Aspen. We gave her the middle name of Yvonne, after my grandma. She immediately started nursing and we all cuddled up as Briar and Willow felt her hands and looked at her little toes and face. Willow kept smiling and laughing and yelling, "Baby Willow!" I tried to take deep breaths and slow my body down as everything had just happened so quickly. The midwives brought me water, checked me out, and then checked on Aspen, who weighted in at 7lbs, 14oz.
We spent the next few hours in bed as a family. I grabbed a shower as my amazing mama brought us up coffee and breakfast, and after a full night's sleep, we watched the sun rise on us as a family of five. I still couldn't believe it. I kept looking down at Aspen, smiling and laughing. It all felt like a quick little dream.
